We’re all dwelling in a world filled with issues. In consequence, we’ve got developed a problem-solving mindset or mentality, naively believing that by fixing others’ issues, we might additionally remedy our personal. Nothing could possibly be farther from the reality.
Initially, why are we beset by issues of every kind — well being, relationships, cash, politics, and careers issues, amongst many others? It’s as a result of we live in a fancy world with difficult individuals and troublesome circumstances. The place do these issues come from? All of them come from our minds, which course of our experiences, they usually develop into our recollections saved in our unconscious minds. These recollections have an effect on how we presently assume, act, and react. We erroneously consider that we make our personal selections and selections; the very fact of the matter is that our previous recollections management and direct, to a terrific extent, our acutely aware minds once we make our on a regular basis life selections and selections.
The reason is that recollections, each good and unhealthy ones, develop into our feelings, which in the end create or develop into our issues — even nice recollections from the previous. However how do nice recollections trigger us issues? As an example, if in case you have success in undertaking one thing, the nice expertise satisfies your ego, and that nice reminiscence subconsciously makes you need to repeat your success sooner or later. That creates anticipation, and the necessity for extra effort to ensure the fact of that end result sooner or later. The method could generate stress, frustration, and even disappointment — the sources of extra issues additional down the highway. For those who look extra deeply, the basis reason behind your issues is your ego, which you need to fulfill and shield; With out the ego, there can be no expectation, and no further effort required to maintain that ego created by your recollections, and, accordingly, there can be no stress. Due to this fact, you or your ego is the reason for all of your issues, and you might be 100 % accountable for them. Let go the ego.
Within the technique of fixing our issues, we regularly attempt to unravel others’ issues as nicely, considering that fixing theirs may additionally be instrumental in fixing ours as nicely, as a result of we erroneously consider that their issues could partly be accountable for ours too. Once more, that doesn’t work. Why not? It’s as a result of they, too, are 100 % accountable for their very own issues, simply as we’re accountable for ours. As an example, the Russians tried to unravel the Ukrainians’ issues by means of navy intervention, whereas the Individuals strove to unravel the Russians’ with sanctions; Within the course of, not solely new issues are created, but in addition the unique ones stay unsolved. Fixing others’ issues is tantamount to “controlling” which by no means works in actual life. As an example, if a stranger says one thing provocative to you, you develop into offended; your anger is your downside, not the stranger’s. You can’t “management” what the stranger says; your response could not even “cease” the provocation. So do not try to unravel another person’s issues (the stranger might need psychological points); remedy your personal first, comparable to reacting negatively to the provocation or controlling your anger.
So, how do you remedy your personal issues with out striving to unravel others’, or how do you cease considering that others’ issues have develop into yours?
The reply is “consciousness” or “mindfulness.” The fundamental downside is that we “permit” the ideas of a previous reminiscence from our unconscious minds to inform us what to say, what to do, and the way to react. In different phrases, our previous recollections unconsciously management our acutely aware minds. and we do nothing to cease that. So, when the stranger within the above illustration says one thing we “assume” is provocative as a result of we’d have encountered comparable experiences earlier than, we act accordingly to what we did earlier than or what our previous recollections inform us. If we had no previous recollections of comparable incidents, we’d don’t have any anger. We’re all judgmental; our minds bear in mind what we did earlier than and our motion or response anticipates the anticipated end result.
However as soon as we develop into “conscious” that it was not more than a reminiscence, and never a actuality, we’d assume otherwise with totally different perspective. Drawback-solving is about “consciousness” — what precisely is the issue? how critical is it? the place does it come from? is there an answer (some issues don’t have any options as a result of they’re past our management)? what’s the answer to it?
“Consciousness” or “mindfulness” lets us perceive higher our personal issues in addition to these of others however with out making an attempt to unravel them ourselves. For the sake of illustration, the aggressive stranger talked about above might need had a bad-hair day underneath excessive stress (though that may not be a legitimate excuse for the aggressive conduct in direction of you); your “consciousness” of your ignorance may change your response.
The underside line: fairly often we create our personal issues by means of our experiences, our psychological interpretations of these experiences which have develop into our recollections to proceed to hang-out us. Being within the current could go a protracted method to serving to us have readability of thoughts in direction of our issues with out striving to unravel these of others. Drawback-solving could not remedy issues.